English composition part1 This is a two-part post on English composition, at the request of Lilian.
My DreamMy World I often dream the same dream: I am driving together with my mother on a 1 stretched straight path. The birds are singing and 2 playing around the car, the flowers are 3 opening 4 richly 5 which decorate the land.
This is a lovely dream from which I never want to wake up. The instant you touched me I suddenly want to go far far away, to see the colorful world with you. Firstly, I have the best engine in the world.
When I am in a 24 mess, it always tells me the truth and guides me out of it; when I am lost, it always points out the right direction; when I am in the wrong, it always gives me the best 25 guidance.
Moreover, the wheels are extremely important. If a car has no wheels, how can it run? Here, I have wheels which will never be broken. Though it is not too strong, it can shift a mountain 28 on; though it is not too straight, it can straighten for me all the roads and streets.
The cab is also unique.
When I am tired, it always gives me the most 32 warmest embrace and comfort ; when lonelyit 33 can always be there to accompany me; when in desperation, it always gives me hope and courage to look forward.
Indeed, it is the safest bay after 34 great storm and hurricane, it is the warmest place after severe coldness. That is my car, priceless and unparalleled. Do I envy the ones driving a car? But that is temporary. I love my mother. Joe's Comments The writer has attempted a rather difficult comparison between the key parts of a car and her mother.
She comes up with some very imaginative language, for example, when she writes that her "youth blossoms on mother's back" or when she describes her hair as a "long, black waterfall". Although there are few major mistakes in this composition, there are far too many small mistakes.
The frequent mistakes in word usage and grammar leave the reader wondering which expressions are intentional but awkward attempts at creative writing and which are real mistakes.
Item 1 is a perfect example. With fewer mistakes, the writer may have been able to establish a creative mood, so that "a stretched, straight path" could be understood as a symbol, perhaps representing life. Instead, it stands by itself and simply appears strange. In item 2it seems odd to use the word "playing" with birds.
It gives the impression the birds are standing by the side of the road, not flying in the air. It seems the car is also not moving, so the people in the car can passively sit and watch the birds.
There are too many errors to give detailed comments on each, so I will only list brief corrections here: It could be shorter to make a stronger impact. Some brief explanation should be given. We can drop the verb. Does the writer mean we "should try to be more familiar" with her mother?
It is not clear at all. What a terrible mother! The meaning will change depending on which one, but the reader is left to guess. To modify the verb "spur", use an adverb such as "perpetually". In order to be clear, you must be specific. I think the writer means something more serious, such as "trouble".
Find a different idea, rather than just a different form of a word. Should the reader try to roll like a ball?
A complete sentence is needed here to be clear.Sample essay ielts writing jaye the hook of the essay youth.
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